Isn't it messed up How I'm just dying to be here

IT'S WORSE! I've shot past infatuation to full-out crushing. Why does he have to be so... nice?! Gah. I'm a sucker for good listeners. I'm always the good listener, which is so ironic because half the time the teller is going on about how everyone tells them everything and how many secrets they have to keep and how they never get to talk! I'm the one who listens to the listeners, I guess, but what that means is I never get a true chance to unload. or even get a word in edgewise that goes beyond sy/empathy. so when I do find good listeners, I hold on to them like they're made of cheese. or something. I can think of only two off the top of my head that are pre-college. here, of course, somebody's willing to listen at all times. Jon and Jessica are the best at it, I think, but my poor biased brain places Nick at a close second. he's just got this way of looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes... gah. I'm hopeless. why? why why why why why? there's so many reasons, so very many reasons, why I should not like this boy, but then we're alone and talking and it just feels so safe and comfortable and I think he's turning into my best friend. and who can resist that? but on the other hand, I know for a fact he's not the perfect person for me, that I could never ever marry him and at this point the thought of marriage is definitely approaching. it's closer than ever. especially with Jessica getting married in three months and being around the singles ward, all of whom can't really think of anything but marriage... this sucks. this sucks this sucks this sucks. all I really want is a hug. a long, long hug, sincerely and warmly given from the guy I like. but it's never going to happen. he doesn't like me back (I know; he told me he doesn't like anybody right now), and I genuinely doubt he ever will. they never do. in this regard (and in math, but that's boring) I'm quite miserable and forlorn. but hey, everything else is dandy, so I only complain here. thanks for listening. ; )