move over Nick; Jordan's back in the picture. as love of my life for three years in a row, he gets top priority and a decent chunk of my heart. and guess what? he loved me! he always loved me! and now that his fiance broke it off and Bri's getting married, apparently I'm an option. and he's not afraid to tell me so this time. he's not afraid of actually getting into a relationship with me.
I, however, agree with Jon (a boy wise beyond his age and experience, seriously) in that we think Jordan is just afraid of losing me forever and afraid of change. just because now I'm actually getting asked out by guys... is this what people mean by "coming out of the woodwork?" I'm being inundated! college is ridiculous. I was warned several times by various people, so I shouldn't be so surprised. but seriously! I'm the freak, the weird one; this isn't supposed to happen to me. I'm supposed to stick to the plan of being contentedly and strictly male-free for a year, then go back to pursuing them once I'm a sophomore. males showing interest in me is not part of the plan. I mean, getting asked out three times in a month-span? that's insane. never in my furthest imaginings dared I to hope for such an obviously impossible thing. and now, when I am finally at a point in my life where I absolutely don't want it... I get it. gah. talk about God and His sense of humor. His timing is impeccable, really.
back to Jordan specifically. I'll agree to the date, where we will double with someody, and refuse to again consider becoming a couple. shall I try to list reasons?

he loves me so much more than I love him, and that's unfair to us both.
I know I can never marry him, thus the relationship can't continue to that point, thus we'll break up eventually, thus there will be pain and heartbreak, and why do something that's so utterly doomed from the start?
also we disagree on several important topics (politics, whether he should serve a mission) and that spells disaster in myraid forms.
long distance relationship equals serious and intense relationship laden with meaning. NOT READY. (see below.)
he's a flaky jerkface. I know so many of his flaws, and there are some I just can't accept, and there are some things I just can't trust him about (like showing up for an event) and that doesn't exactly spell healthy relationship.
he has already made quite plain that he will be unable to break up with me if we start this, even though we agree the breaking-up will have to happen. I do not want to be the stronger person. not the first time. I want to be the one who has to be cared for. I want to be a taker instead of a giver for once in my life, which leads me to
sub-reason one: I've never been in a real, true relationship before, and for most reasons listed above I don't want this to be IT.
also, going back to real reasons, Jordan JUST broke up. I do not want to be a rebound!
I just want to be allowed to have multiple crushes of varying degrees, flit around for a while, learn how to actually flirt with a guy, and just be free. being Jordan's girlfriend would be the most soul-crushing kind of cage. (I just realized this ten seconds before I typed it. o.O no wonder I had such a bad feeling about the whole thing. I have just solved a personal enigma.)

come to think of it, any one of those reasons should probably be enough for an answer of the negative variety. but a combination of the total? holy schnikes, Batman. why did I even consider saying yes?