I'll be your crying shoulder/better when I'm older.

this is such a bad idea, posting at 2:46 in the morning. but whatever, I'm siccing it on you anyway.

NEWS! I got asked out! by a guy, even. here's the problem, and what a major problem it is: I'm starting to like him. this is bad for two reasons:
One, I very much enjoy being single and crush-less and not thinking about that special someone at least once an hour, because it's such a waste of time and mindpower and makes me do awkward creeper-ish things which I despise;
and Two, I don't want to like Nick because
A) he's going on a mission soon, I'm not tying myself to a platonic long-distance relationship for two years, and it would be unfair to ask that of either of us,
B) it's been made quite clear
1) it is going to be a casual just-as-friends date,
[a) so he's not going to try anything, which come to think of it is a relief]
2) he's been in the habit of thinking about girls (see One. I can so relate) and he's trying to kick it because of his mission (see A)
3) and therefore there's no chance of an actual relationship (thankfully? there is some internal confusion at this point),
and C) he's annoying, tells very dumb jokes sometimes, and has a tendency to be an arrogant jerk. it's been his cover for too long, and while the nice guy shows through more often, he's not going to let it fall away completely any time soon.
ALSO: I think he may still like Rachel. but then, just because we've got some similarities doesn't mean we think or feel, as it were, in the same way. he may have been totally straight-up when he said he didn't care that she doesn't like him anymore.
... OH what a tangled web we weave!!!!!! bottom line: my mind is wrestling with infatuation, and I'm ticked about it.

please appreciate my tidy formatting. it helps keep everything from being just plain messy scrawl, ripped from my mind and then dropped on the page. or computer screen, as it were. I'm rather proud I came up with it. : )

quick notes: called Jordan and glad I did. we need to move past reminiscing, though. also, had two conversations with Tanya today in which she bared parts of her soul. I'm so honored she trusts me, but I get the feeling she just doesn't know where to turn. it's a heavy burden she puts on herself - I just hope I can help her find how to ease it.