still smitten with Bradley. still loving college. still clashing with parents over amounts of freedom given. still torn up about the Work Problem. and...
still can't believe I'm almost nineteen. what's up with that? so far as I can tell, I forget my birthday's even coming up unless it's a milestone year (thus I was anxious about turning twelve, thirteen, fourteen, sixteen, and eighteen, but blew off fifteen and seventeen and now, nineteen). this means it's been a year since I became an adult. and what have I done with that? graduated from high school and for the first time in my life got bored over the summer. went off to college and decided to major in Pirate. voted in a presidental election for Harrison Ford. turned down my first love and became enamoured with a cowboy four years older than me. did not dress up for Halloween, but did dress up for International Talk Like a Pirate Day. am I an adult? yes. am I grown up? HECK NO!
what on earth am I going to do with myself this next year? I feel like I should make my resolutions early. what exactly is the expectation for a nineteen-year-old? I suppose I should just pull a regular and vow to become a better person than I am now. I do it every year, in some form or other. this year... I don't know if I've improved. honestly, I feel I've regressed. but... I am more confident. I am much more comfortable with who I am and much less likely to judge others. (mostly.) I know myself better now that Mom's shadow has withdrawn, and I've got some ideas on how to counteract my inner nature's awful habits. and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get some writing done this next semester. who knows how life will turn out? I eagerly await whatever happens.
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