Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

I've been really up and down over Jordan for the past month. I've come so close to telling him I changed my mind... (Nick's out of the picture entirely, as he is now earnestly dating my suitemate.) but what really, finally, thankfully clinched it was Bradley. yes, another boy. I am so hopeless it is patently ridiculous. where on earth did all these interested males come from?! and where the heck where they in high school? (Jordan and David specifically. I've known the one for five and a half years now, and the other for probably six.)

Bradley is everything Jordan is not. he is unfailingly sweet in such an innocent way (artless, not charming); he is a hard worker and determined; he is so freaking intelligent, but he doesn't believe it, he thinks he's clueless. he's respectful and sensitive and can be summed up in exactly one word: adorable. and unlike literally every other boy I've ever had a crush on, I have no problem with me liking him. I could go through the list, explain my compunctions about all the guys I've liked through the years, but suffice it to say there was always an element of guilt or not-rightness. (one example that illustrates both: Coon had a habit of talking at me about how evil Mormons are. not joking. yes, he knows I'm Mormon. yes, I liked him anyway. am I a glutton for punishment or what?) Bradley's just all-out wholesome, I guess. some girls would find his hesitancy around females annoying, I think. he has this way of looking at you from the side because he has to duck his head because he just can't look at you straight on because he's about to say something complimentary. if he had a cloth napkin to fiddle with, he'd probably wring it to death while standing with a toe digging a circle into the dirt. I once accused him of being coy - he does know what his actions do to a girl - and he had to agree it fit. he didn't appreciate the implication that it usually applies to females (we had to look it up), but seriously that's how he was acting. and there was this one time where he stuck out his hand for a shake, and so I gripped it firmly and shook, but he lay his other hand on top of mine and just held it for a few seconds with this adorable grin on his face. I mean, AWWW. I am seriously twitterpated, and I don't feel panicky about it. it is perfectly fine for me to like this guy, and that is freedom, m'dear.

oh - and he asked me out on Monday. : ) I'm excited in a way I haven't been in a long time. it's going to take a while before my crush stops intensifying when the guy likes me back. and I was right: my family is so used to the guy not liking me back, either, that not one of them even thought to ask, "do either of them like you?" (Bradley's got an older brother, Brian.) although to be fair, Syd said, "you should date one of them," and Selina immediately without thinking said, "the younger one." and then I blushed so hard everyone laughed at me. the entire family now loves those two boys as much as I do - I guess it really came out in the way I was talking about them. I just want my worlds to collide. I want my family and Sam and Ben and Em [and Alice (; ] to meet my roommates and the boys down the hall and the Walpole brothers (Bradley and Brian) and the entire swing club... and I really really want to take Bradley dancing. it's his fault; he displayed such an interest. although I can't let him stick around for blues dancing - that would be an unmigitated disaster! the poor boy wouldn't be able to look at girls for a year. you see, Brian has a rule: no shaking hands until the third date. no hugs until the fifth. thankfully Bradley's more lax, but he still doesn't like girls hugging him. so blues dancing - where essentially your partner has to be plastered against you - would be torture of the most acute kind for him. of course, such rules are torture for me: I'm a physical person! when I need to comfort someone, I give them a hug, put a hand on their shoulder, something! not being able to do that is almost painful. and waving goodbye when we're a few feet apart is ridiculous to me. but that's the way they function - they both instinctively curl up and spasm when a female hugs them; I know because I have. just the once and never again. the reaction was too violent for me to try without consent from now on. but still... it'll be the one thing that will eventually drive me crazy. but I prefer no-hugging rules to absolute jerkfaces who disregard my feelings, so I'll stick with Bradley.